𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒽𝒾𝓂

If you read this, trust me it's so hard for me to finally publish this thing and it is hard to get over this thing,

       and if you read this it means I finally trying let you go…

How are you? How was your day? how was your work? Are you sober right now? What time did you sleep last night? hows your problem? Did something good happen today? Is there something funny across your day or life?

What makes you happy today ? what you’ve been thinking lately? Do you still listening to one piece ost at night just because it is so good ? or even still wondering if you are a pirate? Do you still walk at the pedestrian at night just to make your head clearer?

Truth is, I miss you. I miss your text, I miss how often you sent me a funny and not so funny memes but it still can make me laugh, I miss when you talk nerdy shit while I'm thinking how do you know about that, I miss your dad jokes, I miss just talking with you, I miss when you said how you like talking to me, I miss our random conversations. I  miss you when I see something funny such as memes and stuff, I miss you when my day was good so I can share it with you, I miss you when my day was kinda rough so I can talk to you because you can easily make me laughed and distract my mind from it.

                            Do you remember how it used to be?

                     Do you even miss me, too?

I still checking your profile, just to make sure you haven’t blocked or deleted my number and checking if you online and somehow you texted me again. And I still see your story on your Whatsapp just because I want to know what happened to you. Sometimes I laughed at your story just because I know the reference on your jokes. Turned out you didn’t, you haven’t deleted or blocked my number? But why never checked mine? Bet you muted mine.

  

Tell me, how do you feel when you know I still checking up your story? Does it make you feel happy? Or even disgusted by it?

Tell me, why you haven’t deleted my number? Is it because you don’t want to? Or you forgot to delete it? Or do you still wanna be friends with me? This thought running wildly in my mind I gave my self mixed signals. Weird, right? No, no, I meant its pathetic right?

There are so many questions in my head, like tons. It ruined me.

One of them is, how do you feel when you woke up and read the long ass paragraph I sent to you? I know that’s a lot to process, to know that I have those secrets and so much shit going on in my life. What exactly do you feel? Shocked? Mad? confused? disgust ? or even do you feel sorry for me?

                 Am I that difficult to love by you?

Especially when I told you my intention, even though I deadass don’t want to in a rush about it. I can promise you I also want this thing to go with the flow, I know you’re afraid of getting into commitment so you decided to walk away or should I say you gave up?

You see I’m afraid too, and that’s okay.

I'm scared of getting attached to someone because the second they know more about me they will leave me eventually.

That’s why I decided to tell you that because I wanna know how you react to it.

It’s a shame, I never had a chance to tell you how loveable you are.

I never had a chance to tell you how cute you are when you laughed and try to hide your sweet bucktooth, I never had a chance to tell you how talented you are. Do you even know that your eyes sparks when you tell the things you passionate about? do you know how funny you are?

You are such a magical human being.

Have anyone told you that?

I'm sorry, I never had a chance to tell you that how thankful I am to know you. There’s no solid number of probability we crossed each other’s path, but we did and it happened just like that. Isn’t it fascinating yet hopelessly romantic?

I'm sorry, I never had a chance to tell you that I like every second every minute every hour we spend together and how much I love talking to you just like you did…

I wish I knew exactly what do you feel about me, I wish I knew what exactly do you want. And the most important thing is,

                    "I wish I knew what you’ve been dealing with."

I wish we will meet again when our head less chaotic when we finally found ourselves, our hearts a bit healed, when we finally get our shit together, and when we are ready for each other.

For now, I hope you can be proud of the person you becoming and where you are, I hope every good thing gravitate towards you, I hope you can be more than success, I hope you can learn to love yourself more, I hope your life inspires you in every little thing and last but not the least I hope you find what you’re dreaming out there.